Q&A Can I Every Truly Be Safe for My Spouse?

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Question: 

I started acting out a month after marriage, starting with online chat rooms and progressing to 3 physical affairs all over the course of a year until last August. We’ve been doing individual and couples counseling, I’m in an SA group, and we’re approaching week 8 of EMSO. Last night my wife discovered an old email revealing some instances from a few months after we started dating where I’d reached out to some women online. These instances were almost 4 years ago and had completely left my mind. I did not meet them as I’d realized I wanted to have a real relationship with her. I have not acted out since D-day, am planning on doing Hope for Healing, and am willing to submit to a polygraph. My wife felt that even though I’d been unfaithful in our marriage, she could hold on to the thought I was faithful during our dating life as motivation to do the demanding work of recovery. I’ve robbed her of even this. She is again left feeling like she can’t make sense of anything in her life. I’ve felt many positive changes in myself as I’ve started getting help and want so desperately to be with her but want even more not to hurt her. I promised her multiple times there was nothing more to reveal, but then we discovered this. With something like this, can I ever truly be safe for her?

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