Q&A How Do I Get the Affair Partner out of My Head?

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Question: 

I am 51 years old. I am the betrayed spouse. We are one year from the first d-day and six months from added info regarding the affair partner being in my marital bed. We are making great strides and enjoying each other’s company and in love but I am still obsessed with the affair partner. She is 23 years younger than me. During the three year affair my husband was very cruel to me with regard to my appearance, calling me fat when I am in the healthy BMI bracket and he is in the obese bracket. Every time I’m on a beach, or collecting my grandchildren from school I find myself imagining, “Is that what she looked like?”. I feel anxiety. I need to see her. I want to hire a private investigator to find out where she goes so I can get eyes on her. I’ve seen photos - and she looks different in every one of them - not particularly attractive. I need to see her so that I don’t think every blonde, slim, 40 year old is what she must have been like.

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