It seems we are the ones who look for and seek out help, yet the unfaithful does nothing to either help themselves or their spouse? The betrayed are watching videos, reading articles, looking for answers, getting therapy. Why don't the unfaithful "get it" that they need to do something to become safe for this relationship otherwise it is not going to survive. It can be very frustrating to see this and then easy to lose hope. It just feels very one-sided.