In the weeks and months following the discovery of my husband’s affair, I most often would find myself going through the motions of daily life. Being a stay at home mom of five homeschooled children, I didn’t have a “break” from my kids. My break from daily life would often be found in the seclusion of my vehicle.
On one occasion I found myself driving aimlessly. I felt like I woke up from my daze to find myself…wait, where? “Where am I?” I asked myself. I was supposed to be picking up my son. From a friend’s house I’ve been to countless times. And yet, I had no idea where I was. I literally had to pull over, open google maps and get directions. That’s how lost I was. My mind was a million miles away. My...
Today we are going to have a conversation about sex and intimacy. If you are anything like me, this is a difficult conversation to have, especially with our mate.
No other part of our lives is more personal than sex.
As a female, it still baffles me that in this very century and decade, we are STILL trying to undo so many myths out there regarding our female gender, our bodies, and our view of sexuality.
Only as females do we know the complexity of our bodies, experiences, and our sexuality. There is a piece of me that gets frustrated, even angry, that so much of the research out there about a woman's body and her sexuality has been...
My aunt was radiantly beautiful in colored head scarves and rocked GI Jane length hair throughout the three years of her battle with cancer. She remained joyful and full of life, even in the midst of multiple rounds of treatment. When she was unable to travel to a family gathering last fall, I missed her, but simply assumed this was just one more round of chemo, and I’d see her again. That did not happen.
When she passed, I remember wondering why I had not even considered the fact that this might happen. A gentle inside voice that often reminds me of recovery literature whispered, “What about denial?”
Denial is avoidance of reality or a blindness to the obvious or the inevitable. For me, a long time user of fantasy thinking to self-medicate, I see denial as another form of fantasy thinking. No, I am not beating myself up for...
The effects of infidelity extend far beyond the couple in crisis; it also impacts friends and family as they navigate these choppy waters. It's natural to want to help, but what support is beneficial to a couple's recovery process, and what is detrimental? Here are the most common mistakes families and close friends make during their loved one's recovery.
Find guidance to healing after infidelity with EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives.
There I was sitting at my dining room table.
I was three days removed from “D-Day” and as the betrayed spouse, in a bit of a rough spot. My wife had left to go stay with friends for the week so we could both take some time to determine our next steps individually and as a couple.
As I was sitting at the same table where our family had eaten countless meals together, the thoughts of comparison kept creeping up in my mind. It was like a bad nightmare that I couldn’t wake up from. For two days, I had been trying to find things to do around the house to occupy my mind, and I was tired. The inner voice was relentless: What did her affair partner have that I don’t?
I was in a state of denial about what was happening and how this all could have transpired. At that moment, I did what seemed right and turned to...
Many of you out there have struggled or are struggling with the thought of comparing the intimacy or sex between your spouse and the affair partner versus the intimacy or sex you had as married spouses.
One of the most difficult and painful parts of working through the fallout after an affair is this idea that somehow sex within an affair is "so much better" than what you had or experienced in your marriage.
These thoughts can be overwhelming for different reasons.
I sat in the therapist's office for the first time after my husband finally confessed his affair. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. Surely I did not belong here, did I?
She introduced herself, we had some preliminary conversation, and I told her my story. I didn’t know what people actually did following betrayal, but I knew I needed help and I needed it now. The pain I was experiencing was excruciating and I could barely move through the day. My head was spinning and I desperately wanted to move past this as quickly as possible. I was willing to do absolutely anything to find some relief.
“It takes most people about two years to recover,” she said.
What? Are you kidding me? No, that wasn’t going to work for me. I came into her office thinking more along the lines of maybe two months of...
I conquered a trigger last week, and I couldn’t wait to get home from my vacation and share it with you!
One of the assignments in EMS Online is to list your triggers. When I took EMS Online about 3 1/2 years ago, I remember thinking, “How many can I list? How much time do I get? We could be here all night!”
Somewhere near the bottom of my list, but still significant enough for me to note, was a song. It was a song my husband had confessed he and the affair partner really liked and had enjoyed listening to together.
Ever since I learned about their connection to this song, I’ve never been able to listen to it. The minute it comes on the radio, I can’t turn it...
SHAME!!!!!
Shame is loud and debilitating. It can alter the trajectory of your life. I want to share one step you can take to silence shame and to do so, let me share one quick story about how shame affected my life.
Many years ago, when I returned home from college, my friends threw a party, and after it was over, I crashed at my best friend's house for the night. Unfortunately, in the early hours of the morning, I was jolted out of a deep sleep. The first thing I saw was the clock on the nightstand. It was 3:17 a.m. It was then that I realized someone was sexually fondling me. Instantly going into fight or flight mode, I rolled off the bed and...
Part 1: Am I Being Naive? Part 2: Life After Divorce: How the Unfaithful Sees It
I love premarital counseling. It's so easy. I don't mean to be sarcastic or condescending here, but I'm sure you'll get my drift as I continue on. The reason premarital counseling is so easy is that you've got two people believing they have found the one person in the entire human race who can truly make them happy. They are definitely NOT asking the question, "At what point should I get a divorce?" They are consumed with bliss and willing to make the necessary sacrifice just to have the opportunity to travel the road of life with their...
