SHAME!!!!!
Shame is loud and debilitating. It can alter the trajectory of your life. I want to share one step you can take to silence shame and to do so, let me share one quick story about how shame affected my life.
Many years ago, when I returned home from college, my friends threw a party, and after it was over, I crashed at my best friend's house for the night. Unfortunately, in the early hours of the morning, I was jolted out of a deep sleep. The first thing I saw was the clock on the nightstand. It was 3:17 a.m. It was then that I realized someone was sexually fondling me. Instantly going into fight or flight mode, I rolled off the bed and...
Part 1: Am I Being Naive? Part 2: Life After Divorce: How the Unfaithful Sees It
I love premarital counseling. It's so easy. I don't mean to be sarcastic or condescending here, but I'm sure you'll get my drift as I continue on. The reason premarital counseling is so easy is that you've got two people believing they have found the one person in the entire human race who can truly make them happy. They are definitely NOT asking the question, "At what point should I get a divorce?" They are consumed with bliss and willing to make the necessary sacrifice just to have the opportunity to travel the road of life with their...
Understanding the reason behind infidelity is crucial to recovery. Without a basic understanding of why someone cheated, it's difficult for the betrayed spouse to determine the probability of future safety. The task of understanding the "why" behind their mate's infidelity is further complicated by gender differences.
Get a plan for healing by joining EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives.
One of the biggest mistakes...
And the answer is... a definite maybe, but odds are they don't think about the other person nearly as often as you do. The three primary factors driving how often the wayward spouse might think of the other person: 1) the focus of their recovery, 2) the nature of the relationship, and 3) the frequency at which the betrayed spouse brings up the topic of the affair partner. The driving force behind the frequency the betrayed spouse thinks of the Affair Partner (AP) is betrayal trauma.
Cover more ground faster with the life-changing experience of EMS Weekend for couples.
Is my spouse a narcissist?
It's a valid question.
After a longstanding pattern (sometimes years) of acting-out behavior with affairs, pornography, and sexual encounters, this is a normal question for any betrayed partner to be asking.
On occasion, I have been asked directly from someone who has had an affair, "Am I a narcissist?"
Give yourself the space to heal within a supportive, non-judgmental community with Hope for Healing.
Unfortunately, there is no DNA sample or blood test that can give you an answer to this question. Even the most qualified...
What does a betrayed spouse do if their wayward spouse is unwilling to take steps toward healing? What if they use intimidation when you try to bring something up?
Whether it's trying to get them to end the affair, to be honest, to talk, to see a therapist, or maybe to attend an EMS Weekend, that refusal to take action, that lack of concern, that unwillingness to take responsibility leaves the betrayed partner feeling insignificant, powerless, helpless, hopeless, out of control, and disrespected.
But there is something that the betrayed spouse can do.
The betrayed spouse needs to tell their partner what they need to feel safe and to begin to recover. They need to set boundaries and let their partner know what's going to happen if they refuse....
Recently, I shared a few of our most dynamic and engaging Expert Q...
Rick: When it comes to sexuality, what do you see as one of the biggest barriers or hurdles women face in knowing and enjoying their sexuality?
Laurie: I think there's a lot, because it's so complex. Humans are complex. Women are complex.
I think fundamentally, there is a mixed message of who we are and what we are supposed to do. We might face challenges that make it hard to understand that there isn't a "right" or "perfect" way. Rather, we get to just "be." Exploring our self-expression, including our sexuality, can be liberating. But because of either what's happened to us or what's...
What's the value of your marriage? You might think it's pretty low right now if you are struggling through the aftermath of infidelity, but give this some legitimate thought. What's the value of your marriage?
I have a friend who says you can always determine what's important to people by looking at their checking account to see how they spend their money. What percentage of your income is allocated to your relationship? What about your energy withdrawals? What would that say about the importance of your marriage?
Another way to assess value is by time invested. Regrettably, most people probably spend more time planning vacations or their financial future than they do planning for and caring for their marital health and longevity.
Yet another way to assess what you value is to consider what you protect. You don't leave money laying around because...
Laurie: Many times during EMS Weekend, you and I get to lead groups of women, whether it's wayward or betrayed. You have a way of getting an important message to these women. Men need to hear this too. What is the message that you tell women on one of these weekends?
Rick: I don't know that I always say it the same, but first, what you did in no way defines you, not in the least. Nothing you did makes you better than anyone...
What Type of Affair Was It?
Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
