Q&A Am I Being Unreasonable by Wanting My Mate to View the Affair Partner in a Different Light?

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Question: 

My husband and I are 10 months out from discovery of his 4 month emotional and physical affair. We are in marriage counseling, personal counseling, I've taken HH, and we are about to start EMSO. We are making okay progress. I believe he loves me and wants to stay in the marriage. However, I have to regularly be in close proximity to the affair partner because our children are in the same school, go to the same club, and play on a school team together. I am handling the interaction better, but by no means perfectly. Despite all of this, my husband doesn't really get it yet. He doesn't understand what this has done to me. He still sees the AP as a nice person. This really bothers me. How could he see someone like her as a nice person? I try not to bash her, although it is REALLY hard not to, because he says that anything I say about her, I am essentially saying about him. Will he ever come to see her for what she was/is? Am I being unreasonable to want him to view her differently?

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