Q&A How Can I Heal When I Still Feel I Don't Have Full Disclosure and May Never Get It?

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In Week One of Harboring Hope, you talked about how full disclosure is crucial to the process. My husband has committed financial infidelity for four years, until he got caught. I now know he had an emotional and sexual affair last year, and there have been other lies on his part for years. Because he has kept so many secrets and lies for so long, I don't believe anything he says. He hasn't done anything to work towards healing, except for finally agreeing to see a counsellor within the last three weeks. He also blames me for "leading" him to his affair through my "lack of demonstration of love" and treatment of him. I know that if he didn't blame me and if he would commit to healing both his wounds and the damage to our 22 year relationship then I might be able to believe him but since he hasn't tried to examine his patterns of lying it is very difficult. Further, each time I want to go over the timeline and details of the affair he says we've been over it so many times and I have all the information I need. How can I heal when I still feel I don't have full disclosure and may never get it? We are 7 months post emotional affair D-Day and 5 months post discovery of the sexual nature of this affair and have two school aged children.



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