I’m struggling with what it is that I am trying to forgive my husband for. I don’t even know how or where to begin doing this. I want to be able to forgive myself also for what I didn’t know since I have known him. I’ve finished HH 4 1/2 months ago and my group continues to meet for weekly calls discussing our challenges. My husband and I attended EMS Weekend 5 weeks ago. It was empowering for me, yet it also brought up many more questions. I required a polygraph after 23 months of trickle truth after exposing my husband’s latest affair, and with the polygraph, several more layers of deception were exposed right before the polygraph that was done 13 weeks ago. We are both participating in our aftercare calls with Beyond EMS. We are both in individual counseling. He is also joining in with a SA group meeting weekly that is facilitated by his counselor. After my husband’s first physical affair with his ex-wife 26+ years ago, and emotional affairs before that, and now knowing how we swept that first physical affair under the rug, I am going through the process of healing and working to find my peace and sanity once again.