Q&A How Do I Handle My Husbands Thinking?

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Question: 

I just realized my husband believes his affair was Type 4, but it was actually Type 3. The reason he won’t admit it is because he said he will NOT be called a sex addict. He said just because his affair was with a girl from a porn site doesn’t make him a sex addict. He said labeling him a sex addict is wrong and cruel and he will not be labeled. My husband’s affair started from porn and masturbation. He did visit a topless bar once but was afraid someone would see him and left. That was about 10 years ago. He set up a profile on a social media type porn site and went shopping for someone to have sex with. He found her, a 23 year old narcissistic, alcoholic, sex addict, who he spent about 5 months having multiple sex acts with, taking shopping, fixing her car, and visiting her on her lunch break. The only reason it stopped is because I found a love letter she had written to him. Even then, he continued to lie to me for 6 months about whom she was and where he met her. Can you give me a suggestion how to handle this? How do I persuade him to not lie to himself? This was not someone he met at work, or at the gym, he shopped for her on a porn site. If he can’t come to terms with what actions led him to his affair, I’m sure it will return. He even said to me the other day; how long should he have to go without sex before masturbating is okay?

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