Q&A How Do I Interpret and Handle My Unfaithful Husband’s Lack of Pursuit and Desire for Me?

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We are more than a year and a half into our healing and recovery process. My first D-Day was in July 2017 about the affair and my second D-Day was October 2017 about his affair child, who was already 1 1/2 year-old at that time. The actual affair occurred from November 2014 through October 2015 but after my husband ended the affair, he had to reengage with his AP due to their affair child. I have done extensive individual trauma and recovery work and have extended grace and forgiveness to both of them, including accepting responsibility with my husband for his affair child to include monthly visitations and financial support. We have been in a “healing separation” and continuing to work towards reconciliation since March 2018. We have gone through EMS weekend, Harboring Hope for me, Hope for Healing for my husband, and we are now continuing on with Married for Life. BUT yet my husband still exhibits a very deep sense of shame and very low self-esteem which have prevented him from pursuing me and reaching out to me. He has maintained safety and strict boundaries for us, but he has made very little attempts or efforts outside of our online assignments and calls to make any emotional or physical connections or spend quality time with me, unless I initiate them. It’s been so painful, lonely and exhausting to feel rejected and abandoned after already several years of emotional and physical abandonment during the affair and the lies/deception after that. Is there another reason that my husband is not actively pursuing me or trying to woo me back at this point, even though he does not want to leave me or our marriage.....this limbo state is taking a huge toll on my mental, emotional and physical health!!! Please help!!!



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