Q&A Is It Ever Going to Get Better?

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Question: 

I have been a very confident and high achieving all-rounder throughout my life. My husband and I are both highly qualified and successful. But he hasn’t been an all-rounder and not physically as attractive but it was zero issue for me. I have always tried to build up his sense of self and intentionally avoided things that could make him feel insecure. I have always tried to be humble and kind to all around me. Together for 20 years since we were 18, I was shocked to hear that he always felt inferior to me when I discovered his addictive type infidelity going on for five years, 7 months ago. He felt that no one could be as good a human being for real so I must have been a show off. It’s ironic that a person who was pretending to be a wonderful spouse on the surface but actually cheating on me in all sorts of horrible ways, thought this about me. I have smothered him in love and attention and respected him so much whole of my life that I didn’t even disclose this disaster to anyone to protect his reputation and suffering silently. I have held him through his dark moments of shame putting myself aside even in these seven months. Now he says he believes I am not a show off and it was his own insecurity. I don’t know what’s in his heart? Why did he need this disaster to know who I really was? Also, now I have this constant feeling of inferiority myself, before every woman, even the prostitutes, because I, despite all my qualities, couldn’t keep him attracted. I feel very insecure when I go out with him even if he’s trying to lower his gaze. I find myself constantly checking out and comparing myself with every woman I see. He’s doing recovery work and things are improving but this thing has been constant since the d day and I wonder if it’s ever going to get better especially if I continue to stay with my husband?

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