Q&A What Is Sexual Imprinting and Its Impact on Sex in a Marriage?

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Question: 

My wife had a 12 month emotional sexual affair. We are 5 months out from no contact and just attended July EMS weekend. She never mentioned challenges with sex before or during the affair but since discovery she has mentioned she has always thought sex was somewhat dirty and she is now asking that we don’t engage sexually. Rick said women who have been sexually imprinted are vulnerable to affairs especially in early 40’s which my wife is 42. He said they find it easier to engage sexually outside of marriage than inside. He asked my wife if she enjoyed sex with me she said yes he asked if she could orgasm and she said yes. So I’m really confused now? Why was she able to be sexual with the affair partner as often and in places she hasn’t with me but now that it’s over her whole sexuality is now a big issue? She was sexually abused at the age of 14 and I know that is where the imprinting happened but we have never had any sexual issues in our marriage outside of how often we may have engage which could have been a sign. I guess I just feel more rejected and not enough in so many ways now. I’m being patient and giving her time to work on it but I miss the closeness of being intimate with my wife in that way and it hurts so much knowing she wanted that and engaged that way with another man. My wife said out of the 6 women in her Hope for Healing class all of them were sexually imprinted early on and they are all in their forties. My wife will be starting EMDR next week so we’re hoping that will help. If so how does this help and or what can we expect with our sexual relationship if imprinting is a part of my wife’s history? I want to believe it will be restored to something we have never experienced before but at the moment I have no idea if we will ever be sexual again.

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