Rick I hear a lot people use the term "You deserve to be happy" but I really don't feel like I deserve to be happy. I know that Christ came so I can live an abundant life but I don't ever remember the scriptures saying that I would have a happy life. For the wages of sin is death but the gift of God is eternal life. A part of me feels like I should die for the sins that I have been done. And when I grieve every day I feel like I am dying every day. I asked God for a word and he says to stay put and work through this pain. I feel hopeless especially that I can't talk about this pain with my spouse she shows no emotional connection due to our affairs. What will help me work through the pain of being a "both"? I'm doing my own individual counseling and a group once a week along with a men's prayer group I feel as if the enemy is engaging in my life and keeps driving me to feel lost and alone.