Q&A How Can I Get past the Deceit and Betrayal?

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Question: 

We have been married for 40 years. I was blindsided by my husband’s 9 year affair with an old acquaintance from high school. She even came to our wedding. I found out a year ago by accident when I saw the phone records. At first he only admitted to one year of phone calls because she lives 500 miles away. It took five months to get the whole truth out. He had been seeing her three days every year for all day sex and romance. This went on for 9 years in addition to daily phone calls, texts, and emails where she fed him a continual diet of adoration, trying to get him to leave me. He thought he loved her but now says it was not love for her, but for the ego boost. He cut it off immediately. He said the pain he heard in my voice shocked him out of the “fog.” I saw no change in him over the entire 9 years; the length of time is staggering! We met at age 13 and I felt I knew him like the back of my hand. He was a wonderful husband, father, and also my best friend. He looked in my eyes, told me he loved me, and acted normal for so MANY years. How can I get past the deceit and betrayal by the man I trusted to love and protect me always?

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