What Kind of Person Will Infidelity Make You Into? Part 2

Samuel discusses the journey of the betrayed spouse in a unique outlook and approach.

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Thank you, Samuel.

Thank you, Samuel.

While I am not married, I am

While I am not married, I am in a significant long term relationship and dealing with infidelity. We are about 8 weeks out from discovery. I have found your videos so incredibly helpful, both for my perspective as the betrayed as well as a peek into the perspective of the unfaithful. I have been through some significant losses in my life and this situation has been by far the absolute most painful. One of the most frustrating things is dealing with the unpredictability of my emotions. Sometimes I'm fine, sometimes I'm so angry.

I do have a couple questions if you have any tips. First, how do you deal with being overly suspicious? My boyfriend is really participating in recovery with our therapist. He's doing the work. Still, I get irrationally suspicious of where he is, what he's doing, how he's feeling...even when I know he is exactly where he's supposed to be. I hate feeling that way.
Second, though we are far off from it, I don't know how to deal with the idea of physical intimacy. The idea of being intimate again makes me so uncomfortable and almost repulsed. It's not that I'm not attracted to him; it's just the idea of physical intimacy feels contaminated. He took something I consider sacred and special (I was never a casual sex person), and shared that with someone else. It's so painful. Do you have any suggestions on healing the trauma?

hi mkat

a few things.....1. emdr is great for ptsd and the healing of trauma and memories and though i may be reading between the lines a bit, if you're dealing with trauma, ptsd like emotions or what not, i would find a specialist and see about getting some help in that area.  2. there is the harboring hope course on the site that would be immensely helpful to you and you can find it here:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope   3. i would read this article on the truth about trust both for the short term and the long term work you both are going to have to do:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/shocking-truth-about-trust   4. i would take time off from physical intimacy as well as it just takes time and recovery work to be able to reengage and have it not be a nightmare.  with the right work and time and effort it can be wonderfully repaired though.  i hope all this is helping you?  let me know if you have more comments questions or thoughts. 

Thank you so much for the

Thank you so much for the response. It really means the world to me. Our couples therapist is phenomenal. I think I just have a hard time dealing with the rollercoaster emotions. Some days, I feel great and like things are getting better. Other days, I just am in so much pain and I can't fathom how someone who loved me inflicted this level of pain. I know that there isn't a silver bullet. I'm finally learning why people say we need to "get through" something. There aren't shortcuts on the map.

Thank you so much for all that you do in turning an unimaginably painful experience into positive lessons for others. The videos from both you and Samantha have been so helpful for me. It definitely made me feel so much less alone.

im so glad...

thank you Mkat for the kind words.  encourages me so much and means a ton.  take it slow and steady.  slow and steady.  

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