Hi Rick.

My husband and I are currently in an EMSO group and are 8 months out from discovery. I'm beginning to come to the realization that to have a marriage of "oneness" that you teach about in week 7, I feel that I have to settle within myself the things that I can't understand about my husband’s affair. The things that I don't understand leaves me feeling unsettled and reverting back to them again and again. I understand "what" happened and the struggle is "why" and "how could you". I say this because it seems that the things I don't understand leaves me unsettled and the unsettled-ness keeps me protecting myself and unable to fully engage with him even though he is being safe for us. 

I feel like I need to know the answers so I can move to acceptance and to know what it is that I'm accepting and what it is that I'm forgiving.