Q&A How Do I Handle a New Betrayal Immediately after EMS Weekend?

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We married in 2008. After 5 years she started an affair with a man who had been grooming her at age 14. From 2013 to the present, I have experienced so many D-Days with the same affair partner that I have lost count. We attended EMS Weekend recently, where she disclosed that she had been talking to him again the night before we left for EMS. I thanked her for disclosing this and had some hope that she was changing. In the days after EMS Weekend, I felt extreme anxiety about relapse. After 3 days of frantic investigation, I caught her speaking with him on the phone, which turns out to have started the very day that we returned home. I can’t understand her swift return to the affair partner. She seems sincere about her desire to stay with me and work on herself and is always apologetic. I’ve loved her fiercely for the last 10 years and endured so much grief already…but I haven’t seen real change. She won’t leave me, even for a separation, despite the pain and anger that she sees after the revelations. We have two small children at home and a good portion of the family knows the situation now too. We are enrolled in Harboring Hope / Hope for Healing. I feel like separation is needed, but don’t want to hurt our young kids any more in this process.



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