Why Do We Cheat? Understanding Intimacy Avoidance Before and After Infidelity

Intimacy avoidance remains one of the most challenging aspects of both short-term and long-term recovery from an affair. Whether four months into repair work or four years in, the couple that remains impinged by intimacy avoidance struggles to gain any lasting momentum at all. Without a strategic, infidelity-specific plan to address both the infidelity and the intimacy avoidance, ultimate failure remains a potential and quite tangible outcome for the relationship. The good news is, intimacy avoidance can be addressed, managed, and healed while the overall cause for infidelity in the relationship can be additionally treated. For many, understanding the cause of infidelity remains a unicorn that is seldom found, discussed or remedied. With expert help from both survivors and multi-certified experts, these challenges no longer present the relationship with unsolvable issues. Our Alumnus Samuel shares pivotal and precise insight to find healing and compassion on the journey to heal after an affair.

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Peace at a huge price

Thanks for the video Sam. I feel that my intimacy avoidance contributed to me turning away from my spouse and instead self-medicating with pornography. After a while this took on a life of its own. This growing divide left her feeling desperately alone and unwanted and eventually she was unfaithful. Ironically in my attempt to avoid rejection and have "peace", I suffered the ultimate rejection in my marriage. I say this not as a plea for sympathy, but as a warning to others to take this issue seriously. If your spouse feels married and alone, there is a chance its not going to end well. Now we are trying to rebuild our marriage where there is mutual betrayal. In spite of this, I'm learning to share my true feelings and lean into the discomfort. I now turn toward my spouse instead of away because I now realize the extent of the pain that caused her and ultimately me as well. Thank you for the work that you do!

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