Q&A How Do We Handle a Fetish That Causes Triggers?

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Question: 

My husband has a foot fetish that he hid from me for our entire relationship before marriage and up until d-day. This led to secretive acting out and finding people online to fulfill his desires. After finding out I have suffered severe triggers with anything to do with the fetish. It is extremely hard as you can imagine. High heels are everywhere and summer is just awful for me. The triggers cause panic and intrusive thoughts and sometimes dissociation. I am even triggered by my own body as a result. If he told me about it to begin with, we may have been able to enjoy it together but he didn’t. I cannot engage in it with him now the thought sends me into panic mode. What do we do? I have read fetishes can’t be cured and that asking him not to engage in it is essentially putting it back in the dark and having him suppress it again only this time at my behest potentially leading to him acting out again.

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