Q&A How Long Will the Unfaithful Stay Ambivalent?

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My husband and I are 8 months from D-Day. We are in EMSO. Although he has been completely committed to the healing process, he still feels ambivalence. He still has doubts that there is someone better for him. He still feels like the "grass could be greener on the other side." He still feels like things felt more "natural" with his AP. He is still in this fog that we aren't compatible and I feel that it's because he felt he had more in common with the AP. He doesn't think he "affaired down, and he doesn't feel like the 20% vs. 80% that you teach about applies to his situation. The thing is, Rick, that although I am not perfect and I have identified ways that I can improve and have been working on those things, I feel that I am a good wife and mother. I feel like he is still believing the lies that Satan fed him during his 5 month limerent affair. I don't understand how he can feel like he has more in common with an AP he spent 5 months with, than his wife and best friend of 21 years. I have given him unconditional love and forgiveness. I am trying so hard to be patient, but some days I don't know how much more my heart can take waiting for him to be completely past these lies. How long will it take for him to get out of this ambivalence fog? What would you say to my husband to get him to understand that the grass isn’t greener on the other side?



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