Q&A If My Spouse Felt So Much Guilt and Shame the First Time, Why Did They Do It Again?

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My husband had an emotional affair. He admitted to meeting up with the affair partner once for sex. Every time we've talked about this, he has talked about how on his way there, he was having an internal struggle with wanting to turn around and come home but the other voice in his head was telling him to "just shut up and go," as well as how much guilt and shame he felt driving home the next morning. However, he admitted to me about two weeks ago that about three months after the initial contact, he messaged the affair partner with the intention of meeting again. He said that he doesn't know why he did this, but that she declined, and he was relieved. If he had as much guilt and shame from the first time, why would he subject himself to that again for sex that he described as "awkward, like two high school kids just doing it to get it over with?"



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