Q&A Should I Have the Same Anger towards My Affair Partner That My Spouse Has?

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Question: 

My Spouse has strong anger/hatred toward my Affair Partner for the damage she did to us while at the same time holding me 100% responsible for my actions. While I have no desire to have anything to do with her and am totally committed to restoring with my wife, I don't think I feel the same level of anger/hatred toward my AP. My wife feels that lack of anger/hatred indicated that I am protecting my AP and if I was truly over her, I would feel such strong emotions. Am I missing feelings that I am Supposed to have? How do I deal with this?

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This was probably my husbands question

Because of continual serial lying I secretly recorded my husbands conversations w/ his accountability partner after finding out about his multi decade addictions and sexual sin, and discovered via the recordings that he thought I was obsessed w/ her (the AP), that I was mentally unhealthy and stalking her (I looked at her FB page and he called that stalking) Etc., He was very agitated and angry speaking about me on the recording but defensive and seemingly protective of "her". Putting 2+2 together it doesn't take a rocket scientist to suspect there are residual emotions. -Signed a "mentally unhealthy" betrayed spouse because she "cared" enough to want to know who her husband was seeking to have sexual relations with for almost 5 years..