Q&A What Is the Role of Sex in Reconnecting in Our Situation?

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Question: 

Hi Rick, I have a question in relation to the role of sex to reconnect in recovery with my mate of 14.5 years. I was emotionally unfaithful to my mate and d-day was 26 months ago. The past 2 years in recovery has been a rollercoaster. I still have lingering attachment and feelings towards my affair partner and I am facing a lot of temptations and sometimes fantasies of the opposite sex and with my affair partner. As such, my relationship with my mate has been rocky. Our therapist said that I am facing these struggles as I have an unfulfilled relationship and don't have a sex life (I am still a virgin at 36). Me and my mate are not married yet and we are in an unconsummated relationship due to our Catholic upbringing. Our therapist has suggested sex as a means to reconnect, help us move to the next level of commitment, help reduce my temptations and desires outside of the relationship, reduce my anxiety and as a way to know whether I still want to pursue my current relationship or not. As reconnecting sexually is part of the curriculum in EMSO and Hope for Healing, what are your views on sex before marriage in recovery, taking into consideration the Christian perspective of abstinence before marriage?

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Never replied before...

I have been using this site for courses and the library for nearly 4 years I believe. Most things I really appreciate on this site, but this answer is so extremely disappointing from a Christian perspective.

Not a scripture-based response

This is disappointing. This site has been invaluable to us and I, too have never felt compelled to reply, but this response is very disturbing from a Christian perspective.