Q&A Where Do I Go from Here When My Spouse Is Mostly Defensive and Blame Shifting?

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My husband has had multiple emotional affairs and inappropriate relationships.The latest one was his assistant who left his company recently, but he has still had contact with and will for the indefinite future. It’s been like a mini-d day for over a year for me. He refuses to unfriend her on social media. He has had a pornography habit for years that I discovered, which he denies is a problem. There has been little remorse or empathy shown and I feel like he has not taken this program seriously, has said the program is flawed because it doesn’t give dual responsibility to each partner for what caused the infidelity and we don’t belong here because he didn’t have a physical affair. I feel we have missed vital steps in healing like responsibility, remorse, empathy. His attitude is mostly defensiveness, denial, blame-shifting, impatience, and lack of willingness to do what it takes to help in healing. There has been manipulation around when or if I can look at his phone. He doesn’t seem grieved about the pain that his infidelity has caused. Says I have blown it out of proportion and I should forgive and move on. He isn’t providing safety. I have had to fight to be heard and validated and that makes this much more hurtful. Where do I go from here?



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