It Won't Always Feel This Way

One of the lies the betrayed spouse believes is that they will always feel the way they do at discovery. Today, I share the story of two trips and how feelings can change.

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Hopeless

Hi Lynn,

You're story is inspiring. It's been 3 months since discovery and I'm living with so much pain everyday. The flooding and rage is too much some days. I flip-flop between love and hate. Even though we're in therapy trying to be positive that we will survive this betrayal, I have been feeling hopeless lately. Is this a phase or will it really get better with time? Thanks in advance.

I remember

I remember feeling completely and utterly hopeless. For me, the hopelessness came as I began to own the reality of my life. After years of denial, it was a tough pill to swallow and so much darker than the life I pretended I had. This scripture became a life line for me - "I would have despaired unless I had believed that I would see the goodness of the Lord In the land of the living." Psalm 27:13 It didn't define what "goodness" would look like but it did give me something to hope for. I am praying for you - for the courage to keep putting one foot in front of the other.

message helpful

Your message does help. It helps me to think that there is hope in the future. Things could get better. Thank you.

There IS hope

Thank you!

thank you Lynn

thank you Lynn
Your story is very inspiring
do you agree tho that the unfaithful has to be willing to do recovery otherwise there is no hope for the marriage? (for example when he has left to live with his affair partner and there is little or no communication)

Thank you for posting about

Thank you for posting about keeping up hope Lynn. Your encouraging words are helpful. Can I ask how helpful your husband was in recovery after dday and through your first year or two? Was he "all in" in terms of doing what you needed to help you get through the tough spots?

"all in"

I shared your comment with my husband and he said in that first year he was "all in" for himself. He wanted freedom from addiction. He wasn't really thrilled with me and things were quite rocky for us that first year or so. I was regularly tempted to go back to pretending. It felt like he loved me better before it all came to light. But, he was finally getting the help he needed. I may not have felt my husband there for me in that first year but I did see his commitment to work the process for himself and that gave me hope. Plus I had a lot of work to do for my own recovery that he couldn't do for me. He did install accountability software right away and started meeting with an accountability group shortly after we started the EMS program which gave me a measure of comfort. Praying for you.

willing to do recovery

Joanna, I hesitate to say there is no hope for the marriage. I know the team at affair recovery has seen healing take place even in a situation like you mentioned, though it may be difficult to see hope in the moment. I think the best thing for you to do is stay focused on your personal recovery. Have you thought about the Harboring Hope program? It was a life line for me! I came away knowing that regardless of whether my marriage was restored - my soul would be restored. Praying for you.

wow Lynn thank you so so much

wow Lynn thank you so so much for you post
I am so grateful because i find it impossible in the last year to know what is true, what is not true, what was reality and what was "all in my mind"
Although I knew he was unhappy and I tried to address it he seemed closed for several years and then he went without any real discussion or explanation. I will definitely register on harbouring hope - your post (and your blog entry) has helped me so much
thank you

thank you so so much

You are very welcome. I am humbled and grateful to be able to share the hope I've found. I am confident that Harbouring Hope is a great next step for you!

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