Q&A Can We Recover From This?

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Question: 

My husband had an affair over the course of almost a year. My dday was July 2014. I was beyond shocked and continue to be so. During the period of the affair my husband was seeing a counsellor for his feelings of low self esteem and unworthiness. I had comfort he was working on his issues. He also promised me during this period he would NEVER have an affair and knew fully I would divorce him if he did. Years previously I married him with 3 young daughters and a very very volatile ex- wife. Our life was hell because of her constant intrusion into our life. Several years later we lost our own young daughter to cancer. At the time of the affair my mother was extremely ill and I was overcome with responsibility and grief over her end stage illness. During the course of a few months I received bits of information from his AP indicating there had been an affair. My level of trust was SO high I completely disregarded them as his ex wife causing trouble. When I finally started putting it together and asked him directly after several lies I was stunned and truly traumatized. My counsellor diagnosed me with PTSD and depression. My husband has been completely remorseful and is trying to make things right.He had broken off his relationship with this woman several months before dday but had still been having sporadic communication with her for "damage control" as she was threatening to expose this affair. I am however still so hurt that I am having almost no luck getting past this. I also received a pkg in the mail from his AP after initial disclosure that told a much different story from his original. The affair was longer, his numerous emails were very intimate, and he expressed his feelings to her in a very loving, way. She sounded like his perfect woman. Soul mate. They were sickening to read. To think I was so completely trusting, thinking he was progressing under the guidance of a counsellor when all along he was deceiving me completely. I am still shattered and do not see how I can ever get beyond this betrayal. All I see is him looking me straight in the eye and lying. And Telling her how sexy and beautiful and amazing she is. How strong their spiritual soul connection is. He also brought her into our home and had sex with her here whole I was at work. I can't imagine ever being intimate with him again. I just don't understand why he didn't leave me to pursue this relationship. I could have handled that and we could have possibly reconciled. The deception while still married seems impossible for me to move past with him. I feel like my only option is to move on with my life although this was the last place I ever thought I would be. It now seems my only choice for a real, honest, respectful, happy, intimate relationship again.

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