Q&A How do I Obtain Closure When the AP is his Ex-Wife?

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Question: 

They have two adult children together and each of their sons now has sons of their own. There always seems to be some reason for which she has to contact him "although currently it has been several months with no contact", we will go many months and no contact and then she will contact him again. It has been that way since the beginning of our relationship 13 years ago. At that time their youngest son lived with dad and me. That son is now 25 years old.

I had never insisted there be no contact between AP and my husband, but that was before AP told me of their affair. Yes, told me and for about 2 min he denied when I first confronted him. He did admit it but there were lies after lies and to this day I still don't feel I know everything.

There has been birthdays of the grandchildren which we didn't attend because I could not deal with being anywhere near her and the smart remarks she always has to say.

The son that I helped raise will be getting married. He is aware of the affair but still expects me and his dad to attend his wedding. I will add that I am very close to my step son and it does pain me to not want to attend his wedding because of stupid and heartless acts of my husband and AP I also know the birthdays and wedding are just a two of the reasons she is going to come up with over the years to contact him again and to try to work her way back into his life. I am sure that I will never trust him to be anywhere near her. I gave that trust once and will not be foolish enough to give it again.

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