Q&A How do I Start to Trust Again?

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My husband was unfaithful for over 2 years. During this time he was traveling overseas and I was having serious medical issues and hospitalized for a long period of time over this 2 year period. My day of discovery happened while I was a patient in the hospital and we were able to attend an EMS weekend 2 years later. I feel that I have lost so much time due to my health and his time "having his affair" and I am having such a long, delayed grieving of the marriage and infidelity while my husband has moved on. I feel stuck in unforgiveness and am overwhelmed with the sadness and pain of the betrayal. How do I move towards forgiveness and trust once again when I am still feeling so very broken and hurt and wanting to talk about the affair at times and my spouse has unloaded his guilt and has moved on. I am committed to our marriage and it's healing but need some specific steps to follow.



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I understand all too well.. so sorry

You are not alone... i am grieving still, too. Each time line is as unique as an individual's fingerprints... it has been 4 years, he had affairs for almost our entire 10 year marriage...we are about to hit 15 year anniversary mark, and i feel i cannot trust him, lack desire to be with him physically, and feel unattached. We have 3 beautiful children, so i try each day to lean into God, as my husband has settled into pretend normal. There was fruit, and it seems he has gotten comfortable again. Complacent even. I am now grieving where we are, as i feel our marriage should've been rebuilt on solid.Rock by now. Lysa TerKeurst from Proverbs 31 Ministries, ( she has a podcast, and her spouse of decades cheated, for a.couple years.. they've had a vow renewal and are healing), her counselor said you have to grieve the impact. You can forgive the facts, yes, but the impact takes longer to grieve. It is unique to each circumstance. It may be helpful to write down what you're grieving, your perceived and real losses, go thru each one, and lay them at the feet of Jesus. pray pray. And , if spouse will listen, sit him down to read your Letter of Losses. I am about to do this for our 15th anniversary. He will either become more humble and empathetic, or get angry. I pray you, and all the betrayed spouses here, will find true rest for your brokenhearts i,

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-D, Texas