Q&A Should I Be Healed by Now?

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I am the betrayed spouse and also the betrayer. Twenty-five years ago, when we had been married 5 years, I had an affair with a single man from our church, after which my husband and I had a couple of counseling sessions and then we basically stuffed it and attempted to moved on. As a result, over the years we looked good on the outside, great kids, involved in church, but we grew more distant and lived parallel lives.

We had been married 27 years prior to his affair with a co-worker. It was discovered when our then 14 year old son overheard him talking to her and then found some emails on his computer. He informed our oldest son, who lives out of the country, and with the help of our oldest daughter confronted my husband. His first response was "do your know your mom's history" when she insisted he tell me what was going on. Consequently all six of our children now know about both affairs.

After he admitted to me what had gone on, I was completely blindsided as I had no idea this was happening. We immediately sought counseling and we wanted to save our marriage. Even so, within 2 weeks my husband once again contacted his affair partner and I found out about it. Of course this was devastating. Since then we have continued in weekly counseling, have taken the EMS online course and have been working to improve our marriage and heal. It will be two years later this month since I found out about my husband's affair. My husband also changed jobs about 6 months after discovery. He does work really hard on us, and while I am much better, I still find myself at times overcome with such deep sadness over all that has happened. Sometimes I am afraid there is something wrong with me. Should I be healed by now? Thanks so much for your help!



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