In my private practice as a psychotherapist of almost 20 years, I've seen firsthand the devastation, pain, and havoc infidelity causes. But I've also been able to witness the strength and resilience of couples who choose to work through this crisis, and sometimes other wounds from their relationship or childhood years, and then go on to rebuild a relationship that they had only previously dreamed about.
If it weren't for the transformation that I get to witness firsthand, I'd probably be still teaching middle school math or even before that, selling computers. For the wayward spouse, understanding how to create a safe environment for the betrayed spouse is crucial for healing and moving forward.
And this week, I just want to explore a few strategies to foster a safe...
As I first ventured into the world of betrayal recovery, I listened to several experts advise against asking too many questions and getting too many details about their spouse’s betrayal. They cautioned that the details can be damaging and cause lingering intrusive thoughts. The predominant advice is to stick to the basic information of timeframe and generic summary of events but otherwise to steer clear of anything that could be considered a question related to comparison, like physical appearance, body type, specific sexual experiences, etc. The advice was that these things don’t serve to promote healing, and it is better to keep them unknown. (A list of suggested questions to consider asking instead can be found here.)
Not asking for details is very sound advice, and if that works for you, I agree that would probably be best. It made logical sense and I really tried not to want to know. But that is just not who I am. My perspective may not be the same as yours or anyone else’s, but I found myself needing to know everything. I couldn’t live with my husband having any lingering secrets with the...
Today Rodney and Angela will share with you an original song written from Psalm 23. Find a quiet place, close your eyes and listen as they testify of the Shepherd’s provision, peace, protection, presence, prosperity, and promises. In spite of the pain and trauma of infidelity, we can find solace in the arms of our mighty God as He holds us in His comfort and care.
In this episode, Rodney and Angela celebrate 26 years of marriage, and 10 years of their new “Marriage 2.0.” By God’s grace, they have walked through the valley of the shadow of death, and have come out with a testimony that we have no reason to fear, because we are never alone in the Shepherd’s care.
Below is information taken directly from our Harboring Hope1 Online Course.
"Bad marriages don't cause infidelity; infidelity causes bad marriages." - Frank Pittman
If you've ever joined a support group or been to see a counselor, you may have heard others talking about "codependency." The term might be unfamiliar to many individuals recovering from betrayal. It can be extremely confusing during a time when someone is in desperate need of support. Codependency is one of those terms that can cause people confusion, shame, and humiliation. The truth is that codependency is not something someone should feel shame about, but it is very important to understand it.
Join...
Hi. My name is Rachel. Infidelity not only impacts our relationship with our partners, but it also affects the relationship we have with ourselves, as we're grappling with a new reality that we didn't expect or ask for.
We may also notice some negative messages, words, thoughts, and beliefs about ourselves. This inner bullying voice only seems to add more pain to the stress, emotions, and trauma that we're already navigating. This voice may tell us things and remind us of all of the ways that we've failed, missed warning signs, or red flags. It may even tell us that we weren't enough to keep our partners satisfied, or that we're never going to heal through this.
The way...
It was a strange name that pricked my curiosity, but I questioned the thought. Why was I so interested about her name? I was out to eat with my wife and our waitress had just stopped by the table to introduce herself. My normal routine would've been to ask how she came by her unusual and beautifully unique name. This was the first time I stopped to ponder, why would I do that?
A quick glance told me the restaurant was short staffed, and the waitress was responsible for too many tables. How will my asking her about her name benefit her? It would only cost her time which would not only make her job more difficult, but it would negatively impact how quickly other customers were served. How would it make Stephanie feel if I began chatting with our cute waitress about the origin of her...
Hello. My name is Candace. I have something to share with you today that was submitted to Affair Recovery by an EMS Online participant just about one year ago. It’s a piece about the secret life and timely death of her husband’s cell phone.
In this post I am going to read what she wrote and then I am going to share some pro tips to help create safety surrounding cell phone use.
My husband purchased a new cell phone yesterday. The disdain I felt towards his old phone would be considered totally irrational if it wasn’t so relatable to those who have been betrayed. I could write a tragic novel personifying the life of his former phone.
It went on dates disguised as rounds...
Healing from betrayal trauma isn’t just about moving beyond triggers and reminders, it also requires changing how you see the world. Betrayed partners feel like life has been stolen from them and darkness is their only friend. Positive emotions such as joy and hope — even the feeling of being alive — can evaporate in the blink of an eye! Healing from this altered perception of life is hard and requires rewiring your brain. You must fight the negative messages that were imprinted by the betrayal trauma and replace them with truths. One approach to accomplish this goal to record and journal about the truths you discovery on your journey to healing. Focusing on these truths will help reset how you see the world.
Join other betrayed mates on the path...
Hi. My name's Karen Baker, and I'm the graduate counseling intern at Crossroad Counseling Associates, being supervised by Rick Reynolds. Experiencing betrayal trauma is incredibly jarring. Your whole system becomes dysregulated and flooded at a moment's notice. In this video, I'm going to lead you through a short, guided meditation to help you come back to the present moment and feel more grounded.
If you can't follow along now, bookmark this video to listen to later. So, take a moment to pause this video and adjust your space and find a comfortable position for you to relax in.
In a comfortable position, laying down or seated, I invite you to close your eyes. And imagine that you...
Hi, my name is Karen Baker. I’m the graduate counseling intern for Crossroad Counseling Associates, supervised by Rick Reynolds. In this video, I will teach you several different diaphragmatic breathing exercises that you can use to emotionally regulate and tone your Vagus Nerve.
Your breath is the first place to connect with your body, stay present, and become more grounded. To quickly recap a previous video, the autonomic nervous system has two parts: the parasympathetic and the sympathetic nervous systems. The sympathetic nervous system triggers the fight, flight, and freeze response when something threatens us or we perceive it as threatening.
The parasympathetic nervous...
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