Many of you out there have struggled or are struggling with the thought of comparing the intimacy or sex between your spouse and the affair partner versus the intimacy or sex you had as married spouses.
One of the most difficult and painful parts of working through the fallout after an affair is this idea that somehow sex within an affair is "so much better" than what you had or experienced in your marriage.
These thoughts can be overwhelming for different reasons.
I sat in the therapist's office for the first time after my husband finally confessed his affair. I wasn’t sure what I was doing. Surely I did not belong here, did I?
She introduced herself, we had some preliminary conversation, and I told her my story. I didn’t know what people actually did following betrayal, but I knew I needed help and I needed it now. The pain I was experiencing was excruciating and I could barely move through the day. My head was spinning and I desperately wanted to move past this as quickly as possible. I was willing to do absolutely anything to find some relief.
“It takes most people about two years to recover,” she said.
What? Are you kidding me? No, that wasn’t going to work for me. I came into her office thinking more along the lines of maybe two months of...
I conquered a trigger last week, and I couldn’t wait to get home from my vacation and share it with you!
One of the assignments in EMS Online is to list your triggers. When I took EMS Online about 3 1/2 years ago, I remember thinking, “How many can I list? How much time do I get? We could be here all night!”
Somewhere near the bottom of my list, but still significant enough for me to note, was a song. It was a song my husband had confessed he and the affair partner really liked and had enjoyed listening to together.
Ever since I learned about their connection to this song, I’ve never been able to listen to it. The minute it comes on the radio, I can’t turn it...
SHAME!!!!!
Shame is loud and debilitating. It can alter the trajectory of your life. I want to share one step you can take to silence shame and to do so, let me share one quick story about how shame affected my life.
Many years ago, when I returned home from college, my friends threw a party, and after it was over, I crashed at my best friend's house for the night. Unfortunately, in the early hours of the morning, I was jolted out of a deep sleep. The first thing I saw was the clock on the nightstand. It was 3:17 a.m. It was then that I realized someone was sexually fondling me. Instantly going into fight or flight mode, I rolled off the bed and...
Part 1: Am I Being Naive? Part 2: Life After Divorce: How the Unfaithful Sees It
I love premarital counseling. It's so easy. I don't mean to be sarcastic or condescending here, but I'm sure you'll get my drift as I continue on. The reason premarital counseling is so easy is that you've got two people believing they have found the one person in the entire human race who can truly make them happy. They are definitely NOT asking the question, "At what point should I get a divorce?" They are consumed with bliss and willing to make the necessary sacrifice just to have the opportunity to travel the road of life with their...
Understanding the reason behind infidelity is crucial to recovery. Without a basic understanding of why someone cheated, it's difficult for the betrayed spouse to determine the probability of future safety. The task of understanding the "why" behind their mate's infidelity is further complicated by gender differences.
Get a plan for healing by joining EMS Online. This course is comprised of expert methodology honed from decades of experience exclusively in the field of infidelity to better serve couples as they address the betrayal, reconnect as partners and restore their lives.
One of the biggest mistakes...
And the answer is... a definite maybe, but odds are they don't think about the other person nearly as often as you do. The three primary factors driving how often the wayward spouse might think of the other person: 1) the focus of their recovery, 2) the nature of the relationship, and 3) the frequency at which the betrayed spouse brings up the topic of the affair partner. The driving force behind the frequency the betrayed spouse thinks of the Affair Partner (AP) is betrayal trauma.
Cover more ground faster with the life-changing experience of EMS Weekend for couples.
Is my spouse a narcissist?
It's a valid question.
After a longstanding pattern (sometimes years) of acting-out behavior with affairs, pornography, and sexual encounters, this is a normal question for any betrayed partner to be asking.
On occasion, I have been asked directly from someone who has had an affair, "Am I a narcissist?"
Give yourself the space to heal within a supportive, non-judgmental community with Hope for Healing.
Unfortunately, there is no DNA sample or blood test that can give you an answer to this question. Even the most qualified...
What does a betrayed spouse do if their wayward spouse is unwilling to take steps toward healing? What if they use intimidation when you try to bring something up?
Whether it's trying to get them to end the affair, to be honest, to talk, to see a therapist, or maybe to attend an EMS Weekend, that refusal to take action, that lack of concern, that unwillingness to take responsibility leaves the betrayed partner feeling insignificant, powerless, helpless, hopeless, out of control, and disrespected.
But there is something that the betrayed spouse can do.
The betrayed spouse needs to tell their partner what they need to feel safe and to begin to recover. They need to set boundaries and let their partner know what's going to happen if they refuse....
Recently, I shared a few of our most dynamic and engaging Expert Q...
What Type of Affair Was It?
Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
