White-Knuckling vs True Recovery: The Road Map to Healing Sexual Addiction
What does a true recovery roadmap look like? Does reaching the final destination simply mean stopping the addictive behaviors? In Episode 20, we welcome back Matt Wenger, Clinical Director at the Begin Again Institute, for part two of a conversation on healing sexual addiction. We get practical about the difference between sobriety and recovery, signs that someone is ready to address his/her addiction, how an unfaithful spouse can support a traumatized partner while doing their own healing, and so much more. We believe that no matter how far away it feels you can find real intimacy again.
Matt is the Executive Clinical Director of Begin Again Institute, a treatment center that offers 14-day Trauma Based Intensives for Men seeking recovery from porn and sex addiction. Begin Again Institute also offers intensives for Betrayed Partners. He has served more than 1,500 families in that setting since 2019. Matt’s expertise is in men’s addiction, betrayal trauma, childhood trauma, couple’s recovery and the spiritual aspects of recovery. Matt holds a Master’s degree in Couples and Family Counseling and is credentialed as Licensed Professional Counselor (LPC), Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT), and Certified Clinical Partner Specialist (CCPS). Matt lives near Boulder, Colorado and enjoys spending time with his family, friends and being in nature.
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Episode 20 hit home. Thank…
Episode 20 hit home. Thank you
A struggling betrayer
I watched episode 19 and now…
I watched episode 19 and now this one (20). My heart breaks everyday. Our The Day was 8/20/25 till just about a week ago, i found out my husband has been unfaithful our entire 18 years of marriage. He got addicted to massage parlors, and of course a lot of porn. He has used escorts, massage parlors and porn to satisfy himself. Till The day I was 100% clueless of what was happening behind my back. We went to the EMS weekend held in October 2025 and at that point I only knew a sliver of what I was about to endure and learn moving forward. All though he told me that what I found out then was it, I was discovering little by little A lot more. He was never forth coming about anything, he was never transparent. He did show remorse and guilt and boundaries were set, but he never was truthful about all the terrible things he had done. It was up to me to find out. As I kept discovering more and more, I had so much regressions, i felt like i just couldn’t catch up. Now here I am, confused, humiliated, angry, resentful, and unsure of what i should do next. Sometimes i want to stay and other times I want to leave. I feel bipolar. My whole reality of what I thought this marriage was, is gone. He was seeing a Therapist, and we were seeing a couples therapist too, but he says we are currently struggling financially bc business hasn’t been doing good, so we are no longer seeing any therapist. Unfortunately I have discovered that my husband was a sexual addict and he has cheated on me hundreds of times, for 18 years! He didn’t care about my health, he was careless and had sex without protection. I’m pissed. The why, is something he can’t explain. He doesn’t know. It hurts so bad. He says because he isn’t watching porn now and he isn’t seeking massages, he is doing better. I don’t believe it. When could I begin to recover? When will he recover? I don’t know. This hurts so much.
I'm so sorry you're walking…
In reply to I watched episode 19 and now… by Raquel D.
I'm so sorry you're walking through so much pain, Raquel. There is nothing easy about your situation. The emotional upheaval as a result of betrayal and discovery is like nothing else. If you haven't already, please prioritize your own health and get tested for STIs.
S-Anon support meetings are for loved ones of sex addicts. Meetings are held both virtually and in person, and are a great way to get connected with others who are walking through the same thing, as well as offer a safe place to start working through the pain. (They're also free of charge). While you can't control what your spouse chooses, you can pursue your own healing. And it's worth the effort!
Rachel I so feel your pain…
Rachel I so feel your pain. And know it is terrible. I had the bipolar label chucked at me! Just cos pple just don't understand. But affair recovery definitely do. Recommend u join harbouring hope, the community and understanding u get there is worth every penny, and keeps on helping u after. Hope n pray u get the strength to get thru this terrible time
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