Q&A Are We Deluded about His Porn and Alcohol Use?

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Question: 

I am a year past d-day, (emotional affair with mother of 10 years ago AP, together with buying original AP a house and supporting her and mother financially. 1000's of texts but no sexual contact for 10 years.) Now have discovered "occasional" porn use which predates AP 1, so potentially 15 years, only the free stuff and my husband is very defensive that this is not an addiction and not relevant. He has done Hope for Healing and managed not to mention the porn, and really disliked the sections on travel plans and accountability. Is there any sense in which porn is not always progressive or addictive or is he deluded and therefore I am being deluded too? He also feels I am trying to control him by saying I am not comfortable with him drinking a bottle of wine on his own with a meal when he is away on business. In spite of him agreeing that alcohol played a role in his actions towards his AP and her mother. He was abused as a child and we have discovered his emotional self is probably stuck somewhere in childhood. Any advice on how I should handle this? We want to reconcile but he does blame me for "deficiencies in the marriage" i.e.my ill health and great weight gain which I feel pushed him to porn use and made his affairs more probable. We are both miserable, married at 21, 31 years ago.

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