Q&A I Don't Know Whether to Stay or Go

Video Restricted to Recovery Library members. Question Hi! I'm really enjoying Harboring Hope. The curriculum and weekly phone call are very helpful. My question is this: It's been two years since my husband confessed his sex addiction to one of our pastors, a little over a year since he joined a purity group. While everyone is applauding his success, he continues to tell me, "I know I hurt you, and I should feel bad about it - but I don't." In September, he stated what he wants from a mar…
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I know whether to stay or go now!

Dear John and Leslie:

Thanks so much for your response.

In January, I filed for divorce. He walked away and hasn't looked back. Still trying to wrap my mind around that after 20 years of marriage. Oh well.

To my amazement, the Lord reminded me of John 15:13 shortly after papers were filed - greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. He said that in releasing my husband, I was laying down my life...my hopes, my dreams, so he could pursue whatever it is he thinks is out there for him. I'd never thought of that verse in this light. Wow.

This required a great deal of courage. I'm 56, have never lived alone, and haven't worked since 2000. I certainly wasn't expecting to be 'dumped on the roadside' at my age, having to start over. God has been with me every step of the way, guiding my steps - and done some crazy amazing things in the process.

It's still scary...don't know what I'm going to be when I grow up, but it's high time I did!

should I stay or go?

It sounds like your husband is treating you like an object and not loving you the way Christ loved the church. I don't think you have any obligation to meet his sexual needs. He is gone all the time and is being rude to you. I think you need to detach with love and take care of yourself. He is calling the shots and being controlling. You deserve to be treated with kindness and respect. I hope you can be strong and have the necessary boundaries for your protection.