Q&A Is Fantasy Sex a Betrayal?

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I've been married 26 years and the first D-Day was 19 months ago with many further D-Days. I’m on week 3 of Harboring Hope, trying to work out the type of affairs. There have been 3 betrayals all about 20 years ago, a drunken 1 night-stand (stopped before having sex), an unsuccessful sexual pass at a student half his age, dates, and sex once with someone through work which crossed ethical and professional boundaries. There had been lies from the start regarding his sexual history. He has masturbated regularly in secret throughout our marriage, has accessed porn "only now and again" in his words but he has minimized many things. I saw the betrayals as a mix of a 1 night-stand, mild sexual addiction and having his cake and eat it too. Despite many times asking him about sexual attractions to other women he has denied this which I haven't believed. So just yesterday I asked again and eventually he told me of a couple of women (I think there's more) but one in particular who was a recent young work colleague, he imagined having sex with her whilst he masturbated. Is fantasy sex a betrayal even though he says he never approached her, that it's not important, that it was fleeting and that every man does it. It feels like betrayal to me but I don't know if I'm over reacting, he suggests I am.



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