Q&A Should I Just Ask Him to Move Out and Focus on Myself?

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Question: 

My husband says he ended his 4 month "lonely hearts affair" 8 months ago; I discovered it 6 months ago and have since learned that his affair partner has been in touch several times to see if he has left me and our children yet. The most recent discovery was only two weeks ago where I asked for his phone and found her number on his call log. He says he called her back, and apologized for making her believe he would leave us for her, that he had made a mistake and he asked her not to get into contact again. I have a hard time believing this as he has consistently lied and disclosed nothing. He is ambivalent and refuses to take Hope for Healing or EMS Online and is barely doing any therapy. He flip flops between remorse and saying he wants to work through things vs blaming me and saying he hasn't trusted me or been happy for most of our 17 years of marriage. In September he will be travelling back to the country in which they used to meet, and it is very likely she will be there. He says he has no plan for how to interact but he is “sure” nothing will happen as he “despises” her. To me, he has made his relationship with his affair partner more important. We are doing an in-house therapeutic separation which so far isn’t doing much. Should I just ask him to move out and focus on myself? Is this an emotional fog or is he just checked out as he says he is? I am so tired of reaching out and getting nothing back.

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