Q&A Should I Spend the Last Best Years of My Life Married, Surviving Infidelity, or Divorced?

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Two months ago, on our 40th anniversary getaway, I witnessed my husband in a sexual situation with a woman half my age. They were both so engrossed in each other they didn’t feel me standing right over them. It was beyond traumatic. I am a visual person and have incredible visual memory. We are in therapy now. D-day revealed he’s been allowing himself to do this sort of thing and worse for all the years of our marriage. Alcohol was involved in most of the circumstances and I’ve dealt with his drinking infidelity. I never considered sexual infidelity since fun, creative sex was always available to him at home. He wants to go forward with a “new life” together. He’s kept secrets and lied all these years so that I feel like his professed feelings for me aren’t authentic. How can he disrespect me, our family, and our relationship repeatedly? How can I remain true to myself and to all the advice I’ve given our daughters all these years about what is acceptable in a mate? He’s stated he will never touch alcohol again and needs to rebuild himself and re-establish his character. But what if he hadn’t been caught? Therapy assesses him as Alcoholic, Sex-addicted, possible narcissistic. My ambivalence is wearing me out. Should I spend the last best years of my life married, surviving infidelity, or divorced? What a choice.



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