Q&A Will He Ever Go Back to Being the Man I Used to Know?

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My D-day was a month ago. My husband disclosed the details and then wanted to move out to figure himself out. I did not ask him to leave and am totally committed to repairing the marriage. He is not so sure. He tells me he broke things off with the affair partner but thinks he still wants a divorce. He agreed to attend an EMS Weekend. During this last month he has been completely self-absorbed in his own journey and since I realize how messed up he is right now I supported him focusing on his recovery and have been very self-sufficient. I have been home to deal with my excruciating heart ache, emotional roller coaster and care for my two young children, pandemic school schedules, meals, cleaning etc. He used to be the kindest, selfless and most caring man before all this. Now he is all about himself. He doesn't even ask me how I am doing. He comes and goes to see the kids but feels no responsibility to do anything more at home or for us. I am tired and drained and I have not asked anything of him because I worry that his overwhelm taking care of family life was part of his desire to escape with an affair. I am afraid if I ask anything of him he will run back to her. But I also then wonder if I should ask him to help so he can feel the rewards of helping us and also increase empathy for me? Do I leave him alone to do his thing and hope that when the affair fog lifts he will be more compassionate and caring again? Or do I make some requests now regarding how he could help me? Will he ever go back to being the man I used to know?



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