Expert Q&A Preview: Will Mate Ever Understand What They Have Done?

Question: 

Will my husband ever understand what he's done to me or how he's destroyed the vestiges of "us"? He's just not getting that his 5 year love affair with my ex-friend and neighbor two doors down is so painful and caused me such heartache. I understand we were in trouble before, but now he just thinks he can move forward and still be friends with her. I am so angry that he doesn't get it. Nor do I feel safe much less secure. How do I make that clear? Why can't he understand that even an indirect relationship is too much? Why won't he seek help to understand his own issues? Why does he avoid counseling for us when he is trying so hard to improve our relationship otherwise? Help. I can't stop spiraling after 6 months.

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