Q&A Am I Emotionally Ruined for Good, Or Can This Change Over Time?

The affair happened 11 months ago, and I believe it was rooted in limerence. However, what still bothers me is how quickly things escalated between them in a matter of days, not even weeks after they started talking to each other. I’ve gone through all their conversations, and after reading everything, I find it hard to believe that my spouse ever truly loved me. I don’t know if this is because of the trauma, but I no longer seem to have any reference point that tells me my spouse loved me. When I look back at our relationship, all I can remember is that my spouse was a good person, treated my family well, and was good in so many other ways. But when it comes to the emotional side of our relationship, I can’t seem to recall whether my spouse ever truly loved me. I don’t remember the closeness, connection, or bond we shared or even If I do, I see it from my side only. I realize this could be a trauma response, but not being able to recall those feelings or memories makes it even harder for me to move forward with reconciliation. Right now, I don’t feel any emotional connection to my spouse, and I genuinely don’t know whether I’ll ever be able to love them again. Whenever I ask myself that question and my mind goes blank, there is no "yes" at least for now, that I know for sure. Am I emotionally screwed for good, or is this something that can change with time? If it is a time thing then how much time?