Help for the Despair That Infidelity Creates in Both Spouses

Samuel shares insights from his own personal journey with despair and hopelessness on how to make it to the other side.

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Samuel,

Samuel,
I haven't even made it past the 1:30 mark of this video but had to stop watching to send you, Samantha, and your family my prayers and best wishes.
You do so much for us watching here on AR - as a betrayed wife, you have given me hope, clarity, and perspective. Thank you for that.
Sending you all the best.

And now I just finished

And now I just finished watching....and the ending, that was a home run to me. Thank you again.

This post speaks to me...

... in the place where I find myself right now and I am thankful for it. The right story at the right time can be so supportive and motivating. I do find myself stuck in these feelings that you describe. The sorrow and despair feels like a security blanket and I enrobe myself with them. I know it is not helpful but the familiarity makes it feel right when nothing else does.

I feel the support of the right people with the right guidance at the right time can provide a stable enough base to take this on. I recognize this propensity to welcome sorrow and despair is at the root of my depression. I don't just invite it in for coffee, I offer it free room and board. Without all of the support I have received I don't think I would dare to commit these ideas to words. Thoughts, ideas and feelings kept inside can be instantly disavowed but shared words make them real and undeniable. I have to own this and dare to choose wellness over dysfunction.

I credit the enabling support provided by yourselves and others as making the difference between stagnation and transformation for me. I am tired of feeling like crap. I don't want to do it anymore. Maybe I can meet these feelings differently. Thank you for your encouragement.

Scott 05

This is a beautifully written reply. Your words painted an exact picture of what I too, have been doing in my mind. It's been almost three years since the first discovery for me. I've seen a stretch of positive changes, and continue to line those changes up, with the promises the Lord has made to me, the signs of true change, heart change in my spouse, but I still linger..perhaps too long, on 'the lounge chair of despair'. The things that happened can never be erased, but I don't need to continue to ' draw' the picture in my head each day. In the beginning I recreated the story in my head, so that I could make sense of things this tragedy had unearthed. But o don't want to be stuck there. We also, as the betrayed, don't want to keep imprinting the past, on our oresent

*present

*present

Joy, coincidence?

Thank you Joy,

It has been 3 years for me as well. There have been positive changes I think... many, many of those. They came as a result of some difficult work on her part but honestly, I have been too afraid to look at them. To look might mean having to face the risk of reinvesting in the relationship and allowing myself to become vulnerable again. I still lack the confidence in my own ability to discern the character of others. The fear that I might betray myself by becoming willingly vulnerable in the face of a proven threat is palpable and at times overwhelming. It is far easier to create my own narrative where the threats to myself are clearly known, these decisions are easy, personal defense is assured and confidence restored.