Q&A Can I Feel Safe?

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Hi, Rick. My husband and I have been in recovery for 13 months. For about half of our 21 year marriage there has been a pattern of infidelity including office flirtations, inappropriate relationships, and some porn use (not compulsive). In 2009, my husband reconnected with an old friend on Facebook. They emailed back and forth for almost a year and it became a true emotional affair. They took a break after I discovered the emails in 2010, but I gave him cheap forgiveness. He reached out to her again in 2012 and continued in the relationship for another 6 months. In 2014, he became involved in a physical relationship with a mutual friend which lasted 9 months. As always, it began with pimping tenderness on his part and it escalated to kisses and oral sex. His physical affair was never limerant. He didn't love her and often felt shame and disgust by his actions, yet he continued in it. Getting my husband to see ALL of his past behavior as a pattern of infidelity was a big step towards recovery for us. My concern is that doing EMSO is the only expert help we have received. No counseling and no 12-step programs. He continues to struggle with transparency by withholding information and lying/gaslighting about recent actions. Has he done enough recovery work on his own to be safe for me in our marriage? Thanks for your help.



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