Q&A Can You Help Us to Understand in What Ways a Long-Term Affair with a Toxic Affair Partner Effect the Recovery Process?

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My wife had a 10+ year affair with a very manipulative affair partner who used gaslighting techniques to keep her in the affair for as long as it lasted. My wife was afraid of losing her family (she could not have her own children so my 3 children are her kids), losing her job, and having her secret exposed. The best I can tell she fell out of love with me and was in love with the affair partner for about 18 months, but stayed in the affair because of his threats to expose her, and unwillingness to let her out of the affair "quietly". She tried numerous ways to get him to let her go, including "cheating" on her affair partner. She says that had he let her go, she would have taken her secret to her grave. D-Day was in March 2022. Her affair partner sent me a text exposing the 2nd affair to me, pretending to be the 2nd affair partner's wife. She is very remorseful and says she wants the marriage to work. We are in week 12 of EMS Online, I have signed up for Harboring Hope, and she is going to sign up for Hope for Healing. We are both in individual therapy. I am committed to staying. Due to the timeframe and the stress of a toxic relationship with her affair partner, my wife struggles to provide full disclosure.



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