sorry for the delay.  i don't always get notifications.  here's an article, though not infidelity related, on how people can sit with painful emotions:  https://psychcentral.com/blog/how-to-sit-with-painful-emotions/   it's very simple and straightforward, but not infidelity specific or what not.  it does give some examples of not trying to numb the pain or excuse it away.  sitting with the pain in many ways means accepting it and that its not going to go away.  it's something to process through and allow to teach you about yourself, your present mindset and how you repond to adversity.  as we sit with the pain, many times we then have the freedom to get up, walk away and not have it dominate our thoughts, our emotions and our personalilty.  sitting with it shows your power to NOT sit with it at times and to have the choice to move forward despite being in incredible pain.  hope that helps you and sheds some light. 

hi anna26, it's very normal.  i'm sorry that it's like that, but it's very normal, even 9 months later.  what help have you utilized?  what recovery work are you doing and have you done?  that will be a telling sign for sure as if you're getting the right help, i can speak to some things.  if you're not, i can also speak to a few things.  triggers are normal i can tell you that.  here are a couple videos on triggers and working together as well:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/groups/qa-how-can-i-have-more-productive-conversations-not-flooded-conversations-my-spouse     https://www.affairrecovery.com/qa-what-each-spouses-role-handling-triggers

hi there.  thank you for posting.  i would do harboring hope found here:  https://www.affairrecovery.com/product/harboring-hope  i would also search out a good therapist that deals with trauma and something like emdr which is a form of treatment for trauma.  i would also consider a 12 step program like alanon or something along those lines as, while he may not have been an alocholic, you've had to live with pain and hurt from the choices of another and the 12 step model is a great way to cope with the pain and the hurt.  some don't enjoy it, others love it.  so depending on your background and belief system you may love it.  it's time to heal and move on and focus on your  own healing cathleen.  you can't control him but you can control your response to his choices and how you choose to heal and move on into the next chapter of your life. hope that helps you.