When You Think You Should Be Further along in Your Recovery from Infidelity

Samuel helps those who feel stuck in their recovery.

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I am not stuck

5 years ago today i had not real idea what the following words or acronyms meant D-day, AP, SA, triggers, OW, betrayed spouse, and so many others. Today they are part of my “normal” vocabulary. 5 years ago today at 5:15 pm my entire world imploded !! Some of you will read this post and think holy snap 5 years and she is still on this site? 5 years and she still faces some recovery work? Omg I can’t do this for 5 years!! Other night think forget it if this is going to take 5 years to recover from I am going to file tomorrow. But let me explain. I spent a lot of time and tears and frustration thinking it has been x amount of time and I should be further along or it has been cuz amount of time I should be over this by now. Really?!! Who said? Who said you only have this long to heal? Who gave you a time line? This is my back story (readers digest version) no help until June. Then spent 6 months with this “help” bc we did not know the right questions to ask. But this “help” was killing me bc he was not a affair specialist Found AR ...found qualified help, did the online program, did H4H, did harboring hope, and then round a online support group is ladies. During that 5 years A LOT of life has happened and sometimes recovery work has to be put on the back burner (not my greatest suggestion) but it happens. I have met people that have been able to quit their jobs and immerse Themselves in recovery work with specialist. And yeah their journey seems to have been a little faster. But when did this become a race? We all heal at our own pace. In 5 years a new trust has been established, in 5 years a more honest and openly commutative marriage has been established. During that 5 years childhood wounds have been dealt with so that hopefully they will never disrupt our lives and marriage again. During that 5 years personal growth has exploded for both parties. Have the last 5 years been some of the hardest in my life YEP YOU BET THEY HAVE!! Am
I healed? I don’t even know because I have no idea what totally healed is suppose to look like and feel like bc some of the junk I have dealt with in the last 5 years was junk I had carried for almost 40 years. Is my marriage healed? I don’t know because my marriage was broken long before it almost died and I think a healed marriage depends on the people in the marriage. We have trust now, it is a different trust than before but different is not always bad. We communicate so much better with each other and so much differently with each other. But most importantly is now we choose to love each other each and every day.
We don’t say healed any more. We say restored. Our marriage is restored. Our lives are repaired from the damage. Some areas are still a work in progress , but we are both still a work in progress.

Your story, your healing, and your progress is your own. Just keep striving to be better today than you where yesterday.

Keep striving

I’m grateful for your post here. I can relate. It’s not a race. I need to keep reminding myself of that. Keep going forward.

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-D, Texas