Samuel answers a question from an unfaithful spouse.
Dear Samuel, Thanks for another helpful video. I am the betrayed wife. We are three years out and this may sound weird but recently I have been having what seems like the old PTSD stuff resurfacing. Only we are in a great place. Actually I will go as far as saying I am in a really good place. Early in recovery I would have that cycle often- feel good with husband only to feel bad soon after. I know it was my mind trying to protect me. I guess I hoped I was further out and this wasn’t going to keep happening. Recently in my heart I have been feeling so happy with life, my husband and boys. Finally seeing that “oh my gosh... we might actually pull this recovery stuff off” (lol) Then wham the intrusive thoughts that I thought weren’t so severe have come back with a vengeance. I am Wondering if you at AR see this in betrayed spouses further out, like me. That there is almost a threshold of what feel like a bigger commitment that the couple us crossing and the betrayed has to push through it to get to that other side? Or is this me not having done enough trauma work?!? I hope this long winded post makes sense.
hi there. yes, it happens frequently and it's normal my friend. it may be another level of pain you're finally able to process. it may be that you stuffed some things down early on and they are coming to the surface to be dealt with. it could be that you're also just experiencing some triggers and it's maybe a sign to do some exploration into what you're feeling? sometimes betrayed spouses deal with delayed anger which i talk about here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LKGg8o2B6dA&t=315s if you have a therapist I would talk with them...if not, or even if so, you may consider doing some emdr or ett therapy to address what may be an underlying thing. don't panic though and don't think you're not far along. you are, and this is normal to happen a few years down the road. it doesn't to stop you or make you go backwards. just talking about it is going to keep you from going backwards.
Hello Samuel, I am the unfaithful spouse. My husband and I are about 7 months out from D-Day. In the first 3-4 months he would refuse to get help because "I had done this and I was on me to fix it." He no longer says that to me, but he is still resistant to getting help. I have been to a professional marriage counselor several times and I always encourage him to come with me. He makes up excuses because he doesn't want to go. After a lot of discussion of me defending why I think he should go, he agreed to go but he said that he thinks that counselors don't really help anyone and that they are "frauds". He said that he would go once and if the doesn't think this guy is giving good advice then he won't go again. Often times he gets mad at me for even bringing up going to counseling because it "reminds him of my past mistakes". Over the past 3 months his attitude seems to be improving and he seems to be doing better than he was, but that could just be what I see from my own point of view. He just seems to have this idea stuck in his head that no one can really fix this but me. And I can't fix this, I can't take back my actions, but I can improve myself and be better than I once was... I don't know what to do, but I really hope he does come with me this next time. I just want to do everything I can to save my relationship. I don't want to look back in a few years and wish I would have done more to try to help him. It's hard for me to tell if he's healing or just dealing with it.
Hello I am the unfaithful and my wife doesn't feel like she needs therapy it has been a month since d-day and she dosen't want help or to stay together just divorce. is there still hope for us. We still live in the same house with our kids. I have cut off all communication and am seeing a therapist. Is there still hope? Is this just anger or is she done?
Subscribe to Survivors' Blog
Alumna, betrayed. After enduring Betrayal Trauma, Karen developed a passion for assisting other betrayed partners in their journey to grieve, find hope, and rebuild their lives following such a life-shattering event.
Alumna. Proud to walk with you through the drama and trauma caused by infidelity.
Alumna, Betrayed. A compassionate traveling companion who walks alongside those seeking hope, health, and harmony through betrayal trauma.
Alumna. Wayward. Using the experience and learnings from my own healing to inspire and encourage others on their journey post-infidelity.
Wayward codependent. Empowering others to find hope and healing in their own recovery and restoration journey. Passionate about the ripple effects of healing from infidelity on the younger generations.
Alumni. Rodney and Angela. Channeling hope and healing through music after experiencing God's healing power from the tsunami of infidelity.
Alumna, navigating recovery from both sides of infidelity. Bringing hope to those enduring their darkest moments.
Alumna. Betrayed. Seeking to inspire hope in those recovering from the devastating effects of infidelity or addiction.
Alumnus. Wayward. Encouraging those walking the road of addiction recovery by sharing his own journey of healing and restoration.
Alumna, Betrayed. Seeking God's grace to find meaning and purpose in the pain. Hoping to share my life raft with others drowning in the despair of infidelity.
Alumnus, Wayward. Providing hope, encouragement and infidelity-specific insight to anyone in recovery from betrayal.
Alumna. Betrayed. Sharing her testimony of God's miraculous healing from betrayal trauma to inspire hope in others.
Alumna. Wayward. Sharing hope with others struggling from the shame and destruction of their bad choices. Restoring the broken pieces by the healing power of God’s unfailing love.
Alumna. Wayward. Striving to become a woman of integrity. Together, we can find light in the darkness of infidelity.
Alumna. Betrayed. Striving to recover and thrive after betrayal. I believe gratitude is the antidote to grief. If I can help you in your healing, therein lies my own.
Alumna. Member, EMS Weekend Retreat Team. Hope and healing are possible for anyone willing to work through the pain.
Alumnus. Betrayed. Trying to find his way back.
Alumna. Wayward. A broken and undeserving mess who is learning what real love looks like.
Alumna. Betrayed. Determined to be positive as I navigate the quagmire of recovery.
Alumna. Betrayed. A soul restored. Encouraging others to keep walking because there is a way through. Author of Keep Walking: 40 Days to Hope and Freedom After Betrayal
Alumna. Betrayed. Grateful for God's love and grace. Recognizing that with God as my priority, I will be okay no matter what.
Alumnus. Betrayed. No matter how long it takes or how hard it is, my wife is always worth it!
Alumna. Betrayed. Learning to love recklessly while I cross the monkey bars of recovery. "You have to let go at some point in order to move forward." - C.S. Lewis
Alumna. Betrayed. Walking in obedience to God's direction and experiencing a richer life and Renewed marriage.
Alumnus. Wayward. Living life differently, enjoying my wife and family, and grateful for God’s love.
Alumna. Betrayed. Experiencing God's love after divorce. Celebrating the healing of myself and my identity.
Alumna. Betrayed. Continuing to fight for my marriage and my children.
Alumnus. Wayward. Living proof that seeking truth offers both incredible pain and amazing freedom.
Stay informed. Hope-Now will occasionally inform you of changes to the site and new features!
