Honoring the Will to Survive the Trauma of Infidelity

Samuel helps both spouses understand the need to survive before they can move on to the next season of repair work.

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Honoring the will to survive the trauma of infidelity

Thank you so much for this. Six months in and it’s a rollercoaster of emotions everyday. I’m so ready to get off this ride but gosh, there doesn’t seem to be anybody at the
Controls. I feel stuck where I am at. My husband is doing everything he is suppose to be doing to help me heal but I don’t know what is keeping me from taking that last leap of faith. I’ve relied on God to get me this far but I think I’m just so scared of being hurt that it’s holding be back. These emotions are getting the best of me.

it's normal.

have you considered any trauma care?  what about our harboring hope course or ems weekend? what you're feeling is normal and understandable but you don't have to stay there.  you can heal friend.  you can move beyond where you're at, slowly and carefully.

 

We are in counseling together

We are in counseling together and I go occasionally by myself. From day one, I have followed this site and followed your blogs. They have helped tremendously. I have thought about harboring hope but I guess I just keep thinking “tomorrow will be better” ... and although it has gotten slightly easier to manage my emotions and triggers ... it still hurts like hell. I feel like I’m the one holding us back from moving forward and from starting a “happily ever after” ... he doesn’t at all put pressure on me to “get over it” ... it’s my own mind telling me that. Holy crap the mind games you go through make you feel like you’re actually losing your mind. I just want to thank you for what you do and I pray that on the flip side of all of this I can do the same for others who are walking in my shoes. It’s kind of funny because when we are having an issue it’s not uncommon for me to say “well Samuel said .....” 😂. So thank you for being so transparent with your life because it has helped more than you know.

im honored i could help....

i would graciously challenge you to consider the possibility that maybe EVEN if tomorrow is better, the harboring hope course will give you community to stand by you, a curriculum to help you move beyond where you're at and actually help you help those that are looking for what you'll be able to give one day.  the course will give you great insight and healing my friend and sometimes, we need that outside support to ground us and help us see through the fog and mire.  i'm so glad that i could be somewhat of a friend and support system for you.  does my heart so good to hear comments like this.  thank you so much for watching and posting.  means more than you know. 

 

I’ve done a ton of soul

I’ve done a ton of soul searching the last few days and during a counseling session I realized that I don’t need to be afraid. God has me. Nobody knows what the future holds. I certainly wouldn’t of thought a year ago I would be where I am today; so I just need to concentrate on TODAY. I’ve learned that in order to forgive and move forward, I have to let go of the fear of getting hurt again and trust God to open my heart. It’s scary to become vulnerable again, but I don’t want to live my life scared of something that may never happen. I know “how and why” the affair happened, but now it’s up to us to do the things we’ve learned in counseling to build our foundation back up. It’s hard work and this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to deal with and on those days I feel like I just can’t handle it ..... I turn to God and this website .... it’s such a relief to be able to communicate with people who know exactly how you feel. Thank you ... thank you ... and I will certainly look into harboring hope but if you don’t actually want to the course is there a way to connect with people other than just commenting on the videos?

Thank you I may take you up

Thank you I may take you up on that challenge. We have done some hard work lately and have set a date for renewal. Our anniversary is coming up shortly and certainly want to make new of what last year held. Although we are not at the top of the mountain yet, we are committed to getting there together. I think it’s also important to show our children what grace, redemption, forgiveness and love really looks like. Good and bad. I still know there are going to be hard hard days ahead and I pray to God that he will get us through them. I just honestly thank you and your whole team for having this very place for us to turn to on those certain bad days,

honored to be a friend and a help to you

i know it's tough, but I sense your bravery through your message.  thank you for the kind words my friend. 

Recovery timeline

Hi, I am about 6 months post discovery. 4 months of that was lies and "trickle truth". I am still not sure I have the full truth so I am not sure where I am at in recovery. I feel stuck in dwelling on if I have the truth or not and I am experiencing a lot of confusion. We have been seeing a therapist and are both working to save the marriage. Can you send me the article on the recovery timeline? Thank you!

sure here is the recovery timeline

https://www.affairrecovery.com/newsletter/founders/2010-03-timeline

if i can do anything else please let me know.  glad you're here and a part of the community. 

Dont give up

So many times I've wanted to give up. I thank God for the fighting spirit within me. It rings very true that some days are more challenging and require more work than others. What I find to be frustrating is that I never wanted this "work". But through the confusion, despair, hope, and uncertainty, the sun has continued to rise each morning. Sometimes you gotta go back to a very simple and basic thought that "hey, I'm still alive". As long as I am, there is always an opportunity for something to happen. I still get to have a say in how my day will be. I know I will survive. Thank you Sam for bringing this into the light. There is much to be honored in a persons will and determination to survive. And as a betrayed spouse, I want to give some props to the unfaithful that share that same will and that same determination. The waves batter us all.

so glad you're here...

thanks so much for sharing Angus.  fact is, it's hard as hell, but not impossible.  

Thank you for sharing and you

Thank you for sharing and you’re absolutely right ...

Please send me a timeline

Thank you so much for all your videos Samuel. I have been following this site and your blogs since d day, I am trying to get as much insight as I can. You have definitely helped me get through some very dark days and nights. Thank you