Q&A How Can Healing Progress if the Affair Partner Is Still Present in My Mate’s Head?

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Question: 

D-Day was January 1st, 2018 with the discovery of a year long affair, but the relationship continued for 3 additional months. Other subsequent D-Days revealed a long history of pornography and 10 years of sex with prostitutes. It’s been a year since my husband’s last contact with his AP, but he admits to seeking out her image and videos of her on social media for the past year. He is still defensive about her, calling her a “nice person “ and protects and defends her in discussions. I’m clear that the primary accountability for the affair belongs to my husband, and he has taken responsibility for his actions, but he resists holding the AP accountable for her actions. At a minimum, she disrespected me and tried to destroy our marriage. He has kept the fantasy of the affair alive for over a year now, and is unable or unwilling to let her go. I’m losing hope that he will ever be able to connect with me physically or emotionally. How can healing progress when the AP is still present in my husband’s head? We have completed EMSO, he is in Hope for Healing, and we have continued with our Married for Life group.

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