Q&A How Can I Communicate to My Spouse That I Am Not Excusing My Affair Partner’s Part in the Affair?

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Question: 

I continually fail to communicate to my spouse that I recognize that the affair partner is responsible for her part in the affair. I realize that the affair partner knowingly and willingly helped me stay in the affair but my spouse wants me to really get it. “Why don’t you hate the affair partner?” is a question I’m often asked. How can I communicate that I realize the affair partner’s part without sounding like I am excusing it at the same time?

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