Q&A How Can I Feel Safe Again?

To watch the video please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
To watch the video, please purchase a subscription to the Recovery Library.
Gain unlimited access to over 1,800 articles and expert Q&A videos.
Already a Recovery Library member? Log in to listen to the full recording.


My husband and I are 3 years out from D-Day but only 2 years out from full disclosure which is when we joined Affair Recovery and completed EMS Online. He was unfaithful with an 8-year affair, online porn for 10 years, and a trickle truth provided just last year of masturbation our entire marriage. I have been the one to find help, set up meetings with our preacher, recommend books, etc. He has never initiated anything for his own healing. I have done hope for healing and individual counseling including emdr. My husband saw a Christian counselor about 4 times (I requested he see a professional and he chose a male marriage counselor with no expertise in betrayal trauma) then said he was all good. I feel stuck and I think it is because everything we have done including AR has been sought out by myself. He is working on being more attentive to me and being safe (no porn and affair has stopped) but he has not initiated any recovery work for our marriage let alone anything to help him work on himself. When discussed, he states he is constantly working on things in his head. Bottom line, I don’t feel safe. I don’t trust him to do “work in his head “ because that is the same head that has betrayed me for so many years. I have tried to explain this and I know I can’t control his recovery but I am growing weary...why draw this out if I am never to feel safe? Please help… I so want our marriage to work and I pray daily that God will guide him internally and maybe even provide a mentor or someone that can work with him at a deeper level.



RL_Media Type: 

What type of affair was it?

Our free Affair Analyzer provides you with insights about your unique situation and gives you a personalized plan of action.
Take the Affair Analyzer

Free Surviving Infidelity Bootcamp

Our experts designed this step-by-step guide to help you survive infidelity. Be intentional with your healing with this free 7-day bootcamp.
I would highly recommend giving this a try.
-D, Texas